That Awkward Moment
by ScorplinginTraining
Summary: A short collection of awkward moments in the Waige relationship.
1. Chapter 1

**THAT AWKWARD MOMENT**

 **AN: Enjoy the fact Waige is a real thing now. Enjoy this story. Enjoy a laugh at Walter and Paige's expense. And please remember, authors enjoy reviews. ;-D**

 **OXOXOXOXOXO**

No question about it.

Life is stupid sometimes.

One minute you're a cheerleader at the top of the pyramid dating a baseball player. The next, you're a pregnant college drop-out. Then you're a seriously broke single mother of a learning disabled child, struggling just to provide basic necessities. And in the space of a few hours, you find out your child is actually a genius. And you become an action hero and a valuable asset in a strange and exciting new kind of company full of geniuses headed up by the hottest and rudest weirdo you've ever met. Then you wake up one day and you're fired from the same company. Then a few short weeks after that, you find yourself in a closet mauling and being mauled by your boss who just reinstated you. One second you're ass over ears in love and heading to a cushy job in Tahiti, the next you crash land on a hellhole of an island where you are stranded for three and a half weeks with no privacy let alone an adequate supply of toilet paper. Then the stars align again and you're back to civilization.

Ahhhh. You spend your first half hour home in a hot shower, including the time it takes you to deep condition your hair because it's as brittle as last summer's haystack from the salt water. You spend another twenty minutes working on your hopeless manicure and another forty on shaving, plucking, tweezing and other hair removal, because there are unmentionable places where you were beginning to resemble a Sasquatch.

You put on your favorite black mini skirt; the one you know makes him stare at your legs, over the only good pair of racy and lacy underpants you still own that you found hiding in the back of your underwear drawer. Because in anticipation of Tahiti, all the others were hastily stuffed in a suitcase that burst open on impact scattering all your sexy unmentionables across a stretch of beach for everyone on the team to admire. At least it wasn't an elf costume.

Then you line up a place for your son to stay and… Presto! You're finally ready for the magical night you've been anticipating with the man of your dreams.

And it exceeds your expectations in every way. Of course, after three long years of waiting, you might have been so 'pent up' he could have strolled by and blown a kiss at your lady parts and you would have gone off like a skyrocket on the Fourth of July. But let's just say the reality was much better than the years of nerd-love fantasies. He put you into orbit multiple times. Which was rather poetic since he'd literally been in orbit when he'd confessed his feelings to you the first time.

And then…

OXOXOXOXOXO

Waking up in the loft next to her genius boyfriend was an eye opening experience for Paige in more ways than one.

She was disoriented at first in the unfamiliar surroundings, but was soon thrilled to realize she was in a bed with real sheets and pillows. Paige didn't miss the nights spent propped up in stiff, creaking airline seats with sand gritting uncomfortably in every imaginable place. But she did oddly miss the soothing sound of the waves.

She soon became distracted by the sight of Walter beside her, his obscenely long eyelashes fanning out softly beneath his closed eyes. His sexy, full lower lip was made fuller by her kisses and playful nips. Paige rarely got to see him so relaxed, but she had worn him out pretty thoroughly the previous night. And he appeared to be sleeping soundly, facing her with one arm still draped around her middle as if afraid she might escape while he slept.

Of course it was completely unfair. There he was sprawled out next to her looking every bit as delicious as he had the night before. Not even seriously rumpled. Well, if she chose to overlook the scratches. She might have left a couple on his bare back. And the love bites. What the hell? Had she really left a hickey on the underside of his chin? She had always been a sucker for that cleft. It appeared she had made that fact a literal truth. And that thought sounded like the mini Walter who lived in her head. When the point really was that the man was as sickeningly gorgeous as he was before she took him to bed. And he took her to nirvana. Several times.

And the really disturbing notion was Paige knew she looked and probably smelled like a troll. And not the cute, carnival prize kind. The kind that hides under bridges and eats you if you try to cross. The kind that would frighten small children and make the bravest of men keep their distance. Even geniuses with no sense of self-preservation.

Some serious repairs needed to be made before Walter woke up. If he saw her in her current condition, 'my flower' wouldn't be the first thing he would think to call her. Paige felt more like a fart blossom which was only one small step down from the corpse flower he rhapsodized so much about.

She extricated herself slowly and carefully from his embrace. It took some time. He was a sort of like a Chinese finger trap. The more she tried to ease away, the more he tightened his grip mumbling something about his 'little strange attractor'. She didn't even want to think about what that one meant. Just as she was finally able to slip out from under his arm, one of his legs would twine around hers. And when she would slide her leg free, his arm would come back around her to pull her close again. At least she didn't need to do her usual morning yoga routine after the way she had to bend to get out from under Walter.

Grabbing his blue button down shirt off the floor and slipping it on, Paige padded quietly toward the bathroom. Luckily she'd had the foresight to put her things there when she'd been sneaking upstairs to knock Walter's socks off. And eventually his pants too.

While Paige took her time making herself feel beautiful once again, she thought back over every erotic detail of the previous evening. In the past, she'd always been a bit of a sexual camel; able to go weeks or months and even sometimes years from oasis to oasis. But the memories of the night before stirred her up all over again until she felt nearly as wound up as she had on the island. Oh, what that man did to her! She wanted Walter for her breakfast in bed. Smirking at her reflection in the mirror, she decided it was high time to wake up Wally and his Wondrous Willy. And she knew just how to do it.

Paige's hair was damp from the quick shower she took, so she finger-combed and scrunched it until it looked perfectly tousled. She wrapped a towel loosely around her frame making sure to expose a generous amount of cleavage.

Stepping with stealth into sitting area, she first noticed Walter was perched on the coffee table with his back to her. He'd pulled on an undershirt and boxers, but that was okay. They were easily removed. One corner of her mouth kicked up in anticipation.

Then she saw he had his computer on his lap. Working?

Oh, HELL no! Not on her watch.

Slinking up behind him, she purred, "Any work we do today won't require a computer, mister. I just left the shower and I'm all wet and ready for yo…"

It took a minute before she recognized he was on a Skype call.

With his parents.

On the screen, she could see Louise's mouth drop open and she heard Sean say, "Nice one, boy-o. Now I see exactly why you didn't have the time to let your mother know you aren't dead…" Walter instantly slapped his laptop closed.

Well, poop.


	2. Proton Paige

**PROTON PAIGE**

 **AN: I had a guest reviewer tell me I should add chapters as I thought of awkward moments in the Waige relationship. Thanks for the suggestion!**

 **This idea came to me when I was reviewing Foxphile's 'We Need to Talk'. It got me to thinking about Walter's competitive streak and that got me laughing. I hope it does you too. I shamelessly ripped off two lines from 2x21 'Twist and Shout' when Tim beat Walter's high score on Proton Arnold.**

 **Here goes:**

Sure, Walter O'Brien had a lot to learn about being in a romantic relationship. He frequently required coaching and lots and lots of patience.

But there was one area where he…needed _no_ improvement.

To say Walter was good in bed would be like saying Michael Phelps was a pretty decent swimmer, or the 2011 Japanese earthquake was a little tremor. Paige was sure Walter regularly caused her world to tilt on its axis _way_ more than a measly 6.5 inches. More like a good 9! And if sex was an Olympic sport, he would have to be the record holder for the most medals. Perversely she sometimes pictured him standing naked on a platform waiting for his latest award while the National Anthem proudly played. She might want to stand up and salute, but every time he 'brought home the gold', he reduced her legs to jelly.

Their first time, he'd been nervous and unsure. It was very sweet. And quick. They'd both been a little 'pent up'.

It was also the dead last time she'd had the upper hand.

Since then he'd taken to it like a geek to the latest version of Halo. It was like he wanted all of her high scores to read 'WOB' and needed to prove 'a physical advantage would eventually wane in the face of superior intellect'. It still amazed her how quickly he'd 'memorized all her graphic patterns and every attack scenario'.

Paige figured Walter wanted to make sure he stood out as best compared with all her other lovers. For him, everything was a competition. What the genius didn't realize was her past conquests only numbered three.

Her first was the cliché high school boyfriend on prom night three weeks before graduation. Things can't get too cozy working around formal wear in the backseat of Volkswagen Rabbit. The boy was cute and very enthusiastic, but lacked any pretense of skill. Let's just say his car described his style.

And Drew? Her college boyfriend? The all-star baseball jock? He and Walter weren't even batting in the same league. Walter definitely made it to the Majors. In contrast, Drew was in the Peewees in more ways than one. When she was in a relationship with Ralph's sperm donor, she was young and star struck and didn't have much to compare him with.

Frankly, the last one was a drunken hook up at a party. Go figure. As it turns out, being a single mom working two menial jobs didn't afford much time or energy for dating opportunities. The whole thing was sloppy and very unremarkable and it was her only attempt at revenge sex when she was trying to forget Drew's infidelity and ultimate desertion.

Tim's and her encounters didn't even deserve an honorable mention, because he had merely made a few half-hearted passes at her while they were dating. There was never enough spark between the two of them to light her pilot, much less get her home fires burning. So she had never SEALed the deal with the Navy SEAL, period.

It wasn't that she was complaining about Walter's need to be the best per se. Who would? Here she had a genius boyfriend hell-bent on becoming the world's greatest lover. What's not to love about that?

So, what exactly was her problem?

For starters, she was _tired_. Lack of sleep was starting to take its toll making her mind sluggish. Paige was slowly being screwed stupid. Walter required a whole lot less sleep than she did. It was just facts. She needed eight straight at least three times a week to be able to function. The man had crazy stamina, however, and she didn't sleep much when he stayed over.

But even more than that? Paige desperately wanted to make Walter lose all control. She wanted to see him come apart. Reduce his IQ by 150 points. Make him shudder and shake and beg just like he made her do all the time. Yes, he enjoyed himself when they were together. Very much. But just once she would like to be the one on the podium, in all her glory with Old Glory flying behind her waiting for her gold medal. It would be her proudest moment to have her initials beside all of Walter's high scores.

But how to go about it…? It would require a master plan. And she would get right on that. As soon as she caught up on some sleep.

One of the problems she encountered in trying to catch up on sleep and form a solid plan of 'getting action' was coming up with creative excuses why the two of them couldn't do the hokey-pokey for a few days. She couldn't let him think he'd done anything wrong, but for this to work, Paige wanted Walter good and frustrated.

In and of itself, the lack of action caused a couple of side issues. Number One, if she was driving him a little bit crazy, she was well on the way to becoming a certifiable lunatic. How did she go her whole life without regular sex with him? Now that she knew what she was missing, abstaining was more than a little difficult for her as well. Number Two, Paige discovered wound-up Walter's EQ dropped significantly. It hadn't even been a week and he'd already barked at nearly everyone in the garage. She only hoped she could make it up to them all once victory was hers.

At the end of the extremely looooong week, Paige knew precisely what she was going to do. She read all the articles. What? If Walter can get advice about 'how to be the perfect pal' from a ladies' magazine, why couldn't she get 'how to blow his mind in bed' advice from Cosmo? She had all the products. So many to choose from, she researched to make sure the combinations weren't actually volatile. Chemical burns might kill the mood. She even had on the perfect underwear.

To start things off on the right foot, Paige wore an outfit that she deemed sexy professional. Nothing too daring, but her blouse was cut low enough to give him an occasional glimpse at the girls if she angled herself the right way. Throughout the day she did just that. Once in a while she would whisper in his ear how much she missed him and tell him how ready she was to get him alone. The trouble was, the burning looks and that one quiet little growl she got in return were doing unspeakable things to her own libido.

And by the time they said goodbye to Ralph and sent everyone else out of the garage for the night, all her plans flew straight out of her head with the first heated kiss. After that, if his kisses and caresses hadn't done it, the murmured love words would have pushed her over the edge of sanity. Well, hell. Hoist with her own petard.

Ladies and gentleman, please rise for the national anthem. Again.


End file.
